Notes to my crew

What instructions do you give your crew before a big race?  Here are the notes I'm giving my crew -- my wonderful parents -- for next weekend's race.

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Things you could say to me when you see me at an aid station:
• Geez, you look like sh!#.
• Do you have any trash to get rid of?
• Got your calories and water?
• Need vasoline?
• (If it’s going to be dark soon: Got your headlamp?)
• (If it’s getting light out: Leave your headlamp.)
• Get the hell out of here.

If I’m sleepy – give me caffeine/food.

If I’m grumpy – make me eat food. 

If I’m low energy – make me eat food.

If I'm thirsty -- make me drink.

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I hope this covers all my bases.  Is there anything else I should add?

On a side note, did you know they make cookie dough-flavored Pop Tarts?  I wonder if I could run 100 miles entirely fueled by Pop Tarts.  Do you think they sponsor trail runners?  So many questions.